It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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