guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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