He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
