someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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