So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
