I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
