ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
