i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
