like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
