I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
