Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BRING THE BAGELS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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