no, he came in my armpit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
