I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
