The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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