I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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