She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
