I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize