I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
