took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
