your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize