Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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