hotel room ftw
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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