Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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