I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
