She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
