I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
