The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We need a shit load of segways right now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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