Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
