I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
