whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
