Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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