who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
