Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize