The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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