I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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