Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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