When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm both gender and math confused
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
