This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
