so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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