Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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