You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
