I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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