Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
