I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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