TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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