So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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