I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
