DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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