I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you would pick up someone in the library
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
