all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
