if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize