i need an iv and a liver transplant
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
