I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
