I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
