pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
