You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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