Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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