Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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