I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
