I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
