sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
