I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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