Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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