pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
