why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
