I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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