Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
