dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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