yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
