my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I did not marry a roomba.
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