oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
