he puts the penis in happiness.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize