so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
