i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
