my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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