It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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