I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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