I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
