we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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