Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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