You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
