You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
