Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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