I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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