so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
