this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
