Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize