Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
