You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bring me that man meat
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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