You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
