I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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