you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
