I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
