You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
