I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
