I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
