It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
