I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
