Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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