I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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