Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
