I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
