I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
