Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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