ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
