Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize