don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
