I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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