he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
