they need to just BURY HIM!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
