saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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