i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
