We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
