It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you traded sex for a burrito?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
