..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
